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how to change husband

How To Change Your Husband

Disclosure:  Some of the links on 4 The Love of My Heart are affiliate links. I do not post links to products that I would not use myself. I may also post links within posts that are affiliate links as well. The little bit of revenue I generate from these links is just one way I am able to maintain the website. I appreciate when you click on a link to help me out, but do not feel you are obligated to do so nor obligated to purchase any item. To read my whole disclosure, click here.

How do I change my husband?

 

How to change Your Husband

 

 

Ok, how many of you who are reading this now, are really looking for the answer to that question? Many women are in relationships that are abusive or unloving. The man in their life is constantly thinking about himself and no one else, or he’s doing whatever he pleases no matter who it might hurt.

Marriages now days are so often easy to throw away with “do-it-yourself divorce” businesses in town. It’s just easier to throw it all away than to work at it.

Or . . . wait!

I know, you can change your husband! That should do the trick! Once he’s changed to the man you want him to be, (selfless, loving, supportive, thoughtful, godly) then your marriage will be good as gold, right?

 

 

 

Hmmm. I’m thinking NOPE!

There is absolutely no way in the world that you can change your husband. Only God and the Holy Spirit can do that.

Sorry, girls, I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but I’m all about truth. God’s truth, and it just isn’t gonna happen that way! I know exactly what you’re feeling! I get it. I’ve been there.

 

 

Now, hear me out before you leave this post thinking it’s hopeless. God’s plan for marriage is so much more than we can imagine. Marriage is a sacred bond between two people. It represents God’s love for the church.

Could you imagine if God divorced you because you wouldn’t change?! Do you realize how often God’s heart is broken and yet He still loves us and pursues us?

 

That’s God’s plan for marriage. It’s not about getting along. It’s about unconditional love that at times isn’t easy to give.

It’s about forgiveness and grace.

My Story

Let me tell you a little bit about my story. My husband and I dated for 5 years before we said “I do.” I remember when he became a Christian. I knew after that we would be married.

Long story short, he doesn’t have much to do with God now, and I have been raising my boys as a Spiritually Single mother (with his approval, thankfully) and attending church as a Spiritually Single wife. 

 

 

Strong in Faith

 

 

 

 

There were years that I prayed for God to change him (to be honest, I still do at times), but God would always bring it back to me. I was the one who needed to change, and I was the only one I could change. I couldn’t change my husband. That’s not my job.

 

 

I remember looking for a church to attend alone, and people would ask me about my husband. I would reply honestly, but in a way that made it seem like he was such a sinner for not going. One Sunday morning, a woman from one of the churches I visited discussed this with me. I’ll never forget her words, “When you stand before God, you will stand alone. You won’t be holding your husband’s hand. She was right.

My mother has always said, “You’re not his Holy Spirit.” Guess, what? She was right too.

 

 

If I can’t change him, what can I do?

I’m glad you asked because that tells me some things about you.

  • You want to stay married.
  • You still love your husband.
  • You want to work at the marriage.

 

Take heart, friend. There are some things you can do.

  1. Pray for Yourself first. Now this probably goes against what you might have been taught about prayer–you should pray for yourself last. I agree to that, but in this situation, you need to realize that you need to make some changes, like it or not, for this marriage thing to work. I cringe when God tells me I’m the one who needs to change, but He knows what’s best, and if He wants me to change, I better listen.
  2. Pray that You will be a good example to your husband of what God’s love is. 1 Peter 3:1 English Standard Version (ESV)Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
  3. Pray for your Husband next. Now, you can’t just keep praying, “Please God. Change so and so.” Pray for the Holy Spirit to work in your husband’s heart. Pray that he might be surrounded by other men who love God. Pray that he’ll open his heart to God.
  4. Read this blog post: Dear Wife, You Are Not the Holy Spirit. It has some great advice. Do a search online to find more articles that will encourage you to be the wife God wants you to be.
  5. Talk to godly women who have been married for a long time. You’ll hear that there have been times in their marriages that they wished they could change their husbands and what they did instead. Ask them to pray for you, not your husband. Leave that up to God.

 

 

 

Ok, so now that you’ve heard me out, I hope you know that God cherishes your marriage and wants you to enjoy your marriage as you should. But, marriage is work, and sometimes, we have to work on ourselves first before we can improve our marriages.

Spend time in prayer as I mentioned before. Lean on God when you can’t lean on your husband. Be obedient to God’s calling on your marriage. Don’t give up! Fight like a girl (of God).

 

storms of life

Storms of Life

Disclosure:  Some of the links on 4 The Love of My Heart are affiliate links. I do not post links to products that I would not use myself. I may also post links within posts that are affiliate links as well. The little bit of revenue I generate from these links is just one way I am able to maintain the website. I appreciate when you click on a link to help me out, but do not feel you are obligated to do so nor obligated to purchase any item. To read my whole disclosure, click here.

 

 

 

 

I headed back to work on Friday after our two-week Winter Break (aka Christmas Break). Thursday was supposed to be the teacher’s first day back, but a winter snow storm hit and they closed the school district. Needless to say, I was happy to have another day at home with my boys.

 But, I know that storms are not always a happy time. As the United States has experienced great storms this week, I think about those who have been negatively affected by the storm in some way. Maybe they lost their home or a loved one, or maybe they were hurt somehow.

 

I remember back in 2013 when those of us who live in Colorado experienced a lot of rain and winter snow melt off the mountains in the spring that year. This led to massive floods. Lots of water and tons of destruction! The river we so often visited since we were kids took  on a new shape and a new look because of that storm. The fish were all killed, and the landscape has been forever scarred. Many people lost their homes or their animals, and some even died. It was a very sad time.

 

 

 

Scars

We all face storms in our lives.

Maybe it’s not natural disasters, but maybe it’s a strong enough storm to scar us in some way. Unfortunately, this life offers many storms and as Christians, we were not promised that we would not face any storms. It’s what we do during the storm that matters and that shapes us into what God wants us to be.

 

My youngest son has been through a pretty difficult storm in his life with battling chronic migraines. His mornings have started off waking up in pain more often than mornings with no pain. He’s missed tons of school and other things kids do at the age of 13. He’s on year two at the age of 15. This storm in his life is forming him to be the man God wants him to be. It’s excruciating to watch him endure this storm, but I’ve seen him become stronger in some ways and definitely more compassionate towards others who suffer with illnesses too.

 

 

And then there’s Job.

God’s word tells of a man who faces numerous storms of destruction to the point where he loses everything! If I were Job, I think the storm of losing my family would push me over the edge. What did Job do?

 

Job 1:18-22 (NIV)

“Your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, 19 when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed on them and they are dead, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

   and naked I will depart.[c]

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;

   may the name of the Lord be praised.”

22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

 

In other words, he didn’t blame God or shake his fist at God like so many of do or would if we faced this devastation. It says he actually worshiped and praised God.

The book of Job goes on describing more storms that he faces and how he kept his faith in God. That’s strength beyond what I can imagine! Was Job scarred by his storms? I think he was, but I also think he chose to trust God and lean on Him during those difficult times despite those scars.

 

Jesus has scars.

 

He faced storms too. He knows what you’re going through because he’s been there too.

I encourage you to go to Jesus when you feel the storm is beating you down, and let him know everything you’re feeling. Then listen to hear what he says.

Lean into him and listen.

Isaiah 43:2  (ESV)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.


spiritually single

I’m Spiritually Single. Now What?

Disclosure:  Some of the links on 4 The Love of My Heart are affiliate links. I do not post links to products that I would not use myself. I may also post links within posts that are affiliate links as well. The little bit of revenue I generate from these links is just one way I am able to maintain the website. I appreciate when you click on a link to help me out, but do not feel you are obligated to do so nor obligated to purchase any item. To read my whole disclosure, click here.

 

 

I'm Spiritually Single.Now What

I’m Spiritually Single. Now What?

I’m spiritually single, now what? Great question! It really all comes down to you and the choices that you make.

Let’s see. What are your options?

  • You could leave the relationship if you’re in one.
  • You could feel sorry for yourself and look for compassion from others.
  • You could stick it out.
  • You could lean closer to God and trust what He has in mind.

What do you choose? My personal experience has been all but the first one. I have come to realize that God does have a plan for my marriage just like He has a plan for my life. So, I stick it out and lean into God as much as possible. There are times when I feel sorry for myself and want others to do the same, but that doesn’t accomplish anything positive whatsoever! Besides, finding compassion from others could be dangerous if you don’t set any boundaries up front from whomever you’re seeking compassion. It’s best just to look to God.

 

 

It’s not easy being spiritually single, but when you obey God’s will for your life, you’ll be rewarded for it. That’s not to say that your marriage or relationship will be magically “fixed.” That’s up to God, but you have a choice. What’s it gonna be?

 

Queen Esther

Esther is one known for questioning her relationship and her purpose as queen when her cousin, Mordecai reminded her that God had a plan. It was a plan that ended up saving a whole nation. She was spiritually single, married to a pagan king. She stuck it out and leaned on God, and was blessed. Check out her story here: The Story of Esther.

 

 

esther-bible-movie1

 

I believe this can be true for you too. Our best choice in anything we face during our life whether it be hard times or lean times, is to turn toward God. Just like Queen Esther did.

What do you choose? Feel free to share your story in the comments if you’d like.